Chrystal City

Holy fuck I have twitter!?

Kachingz

Fusion

The King

Sylvia. A 16 year old student struggling in life over what is right what is wrong what is neutral what should be done what should not be done what is fact what is fiction how did it all come to this.

I tend to talk in my own weird way and people would be confused with what I have to say. I am always forgetful, I dislike having to be the one to decide for everything, I am still in search of someone who can understand me. I still have not figured out on how to fill in this space with something about me in detail yet.

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Friday, April 24, 2009 @ 1:59 PM

雨后的城市寂寞又狼狽
路邊的座位它空著在等誰
我拉住時間它卻不理會
有沒有別人跟我一樣很想被安慰?

風停了又吹我忽然想起誰
天亮了又黑我過了好几歲
心暖了又灰世界

有時候孤單的很需要另一個同類
愛收了又給我們都不太完美
夢作了又碎我們有几次机會去追
不曉得為甚么愛又稀少又昂貴
云在半空中被微風剪碎
回憶也許美可是正在飛走對不對

Control.

@ 1:47 PM

I've always thought that way for a long time now. Christmin's 16th chalet, and Fish is lying on my bed sleeping as I'm typing as soft as I can. I should stop.

I can't remember.

@ 12:40 AM

Does anyone know what can cause someone to lose memory of the last several hours and where they are?

"My girlfriend and I are both college students hundreds of miles apart. she is a completely normal and healthy girl, but on an average of about once per year she will suddenly completely lose her memory of the last few hours and temporarily forget where she is. This is very scary because she finds herself in a state of panic with no idea what has been going on or where she is. these episodes have been rare and only one at a time until tonight it happened to her once and later called me. During our talk it happened again and she asked how long we had been talking and started to cry. I know virtually nothing about what is happening other then what I have said, all I know is the thought of this happening to her when she is driving or doing something like that scares me to death. If anyone is familiar with this at all please tell me what you know or where I can go to learn what is happening to her.

I have looked at the web MD page and as far as the physical symptoms go none of those have happened. In fact, I don't think it is noticeable at all unless she would tell you herself what just happened. When it happened to her again on the phone she never stopped talking, she just said "Oh shit, how long have we been talking" right away she knew what was happening to her. The part that did match quite well was the needing a few hours to piece her memory back together. I appreciate it you guys, I hope these details help you guys narrow it down."

Yesterday I couldn't remember how I got home, how I got a change of clothes, how the bed was set out and I was lying on it. How I was functioning perfectly but I couldn't remember, I remember walking home, and picking up a call so fast I didn't see the caller's name, I couldn't remember the time, but I was pretty sure I was talking on the phone with a friend. Then I woke up by a call at 2am and I couldn't even remember who I called till I checked when I woke up. Apparently I couldn't remember till now what happened. Just lots of missed calls and messages. I swear I was functioning perfectly but I blacked out.

You know what's the best answer I found on Yahoo?

"It may be a form of seizure disorder or even a mini-stroke. I recommend a neurologist immediately."

Good game.

Music : (Good Girl Gone Bad (Soul Seekerz Remix))

No worries.

Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 11:53 PM

So today I finished the book I'm currently reading(Every breath you take - Judith Mcnaught) by more than one third, there's about 350 pages in this book, well, that's because today there was literally nothing to do in school, literally, nothing.

Was late because of the rain but since it was raining no one got punished for being late, met Chunhei in the morning and walked to school, it was freezing and I was sneezing a little. Chinese class so, yeah, did my chinese test then it was math, probably the only lesson I was paying attention to because, it was really the only lesson I could pay attention to. Didn't eat for recess and spent my time in the art room.

Physics was horrible, physics test unknowingly given to me, and there was barely even 10 people in the class, so I opened my book to read, and read on and on during english lesson because the teacher didn't teach anything, she just kept shouting and complaining about how horrible our class was, then the last period was cme, where we just did one worksheet and I was reading away. And there goes my day at school.

Christmin waited for me outside school and we had lunch together, and spend a little time over at my place watching funny videos before she headed for work.

I just finished practicing Pythagora's Theorem, and I'm stuck at Similarity. No one seems to be able to fit to my time of studying and no one seems to be interested in studying nor teaching except for xtine + a few so, I'm going over tomorrow to her place and have dinner with her. And will be doing that for a week before we exchange places and she comes over to mine for a week.

Did I mention how tired I am? Sleeping for a few hours and forcing yourself to stare at numbers for hours.

"And why is this picture facing you again?"
"Yeah, I switched it."
*changes the picture's direction*
"hmpf" with a grin jokingly.

"What am I to do without a friend like you?" I thought as I let off a smirk and a grin without her noticing.

~~I guess everyone has no more worries tied to themselves, they could simply step over, without a thought, without a care, and without a bother, no doubt.~~

Sick

@ 3:50 AM

"Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks."

"Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. "

"Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room."

"Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living."

"Today, I was talked into having sex with my boyfriend of 4 years. I had always wanted to wait till marriage but my boyfriend convinced me otherwise. Once we were done, he said he could never marry me because I was no longer pure."

It is currently 4:11 now, in the morning, and I'm wasting away reading fmylife.com, hopping around on the internet, hoping I could finally feel fucking tired then I'll just turn off the computer and go to sleep. Now to miss out that I have fever, I'm coughing like free flow, and worse of all. I can't sleep.

I think it would make me feel better, it may not but I would like to try, just a few days, and everything would go back to the same, calls, messages, chats..

..yeah.

Speaking of which the gift has been on my table for days, and I didn't know how to give it to you. and the big cardboard is still left undone, I didn't know how to make myself continue working on it, because I thought it may never have any meaning to it anymore, for now. Maybe I should go lie on my bed right now.

Just one left.

Sunday, April 19, 2009 @ 1:04 AM

A few days ago I was awoken by my sister, she wasn't calling me, she was, instead, calling my brother waking him up saying that the hamster cage dropped on the floor and the hamsters were missing, throughout the whole day I guess I went to work, and when I came back I saw one of them being found back, there were two actually. I wonder where the other went to.

I wonder if the hamster even felt lonely, heart-broken, or whatever it could have felt, now it's left with itself alone there wasn't any squeaking, any running around late at night when I was trying to get some sleep and it was pissing me off. But of all things, it's just an animal. A cute and really fat one of course.

This is the only picture I could ever get of one of them, and it wasn't me who took it, it was my classmate who came over and played with the rented camera, when I had brought it to school. I never had a chance to take a picture of the two of them together. Now I'll never ever get a chance, I wonder if the hamster caught in this photo is the one that was found or the one that was lost.

-----------------

So I spent today, playing mj at Siewping's place(thanks for the shirt!) and having dinner at my workplace which is, Manhattan Fish Market. Oh it was so good I ate some calamaris and a mussel I feel guilty cause I'm allergic to it but hell it was soooooooo good! I was thinking of trying everything in the menu, I'm okay with paying cause the food there is just so good, it suits my taste buds really well, I'll have to try the garlic butter mussels, mudpie, and the creamy seafood pasta the next time.

Ben, did you read this?

Speaking of which, food is making me happier now and I'm trying to gain some weight back but today I checked and it dropped even more. Did anyone try the new soya-bean shop that just opened at towner? It's not bad actually, go try!

Work for 10 hours tomorrow, and I'll stop for 3-4 weeks, before I get back at it again. It's a sunday at work, time is going to past so slow I think I might die from being bored at work.

After sunday, time to study like a mad nerd.

Music : (Bottlepop - PCD)

Fuck

Saturday, April 18, 2009 @ 3:59 PM

Seriously, I am fucking pissed. I dont want to say it out nor do I intend to. I'm going to bath and leave my house, go over to a friend's place and maybe have dinner alone. But the fucking point is,

I wasn't supposed to be alone today.

Nightmare

Friday, April 17, 2009 @ 1:06 PM

Nightmare, nightmare, I had a terrible nightmare. One that set me on second thought if I wanted to make myself sleep more, one that set me on thinking about sleeping no more. I can't run away from the pain, I thought that it would all go away if I sleep it through, but it just comes back and haunts me in my dreams.

I'll have to take some medicine if I want to work later on, but I'm just afraid I'll screw things up. After this week of work, I'll stop until the exams are over. And hopefully people are free to teach me, hopefully, you are free, to teach me.

This nightmare just drives me to have an urge to talk to you. But I doubt you will, I hope you will but, I doubt you will. Will you? No, I don't want to talk, I don't know what to say, but how I wish you could just, sit beside me, and keep quiet, and just sit beside me, watch me cry, watch me stare into space, watch me wrap myself around my arms, watch me cry even more, and not say a thing, not think about a thing, and you could just..

Close your eyes and listen to me cry.

Breath of air

@ 12:40 AM

So today I spent my day eating a Magnum ice cream even though I pretty much had high fever, watched some movies, surf through the net, something unexpected came, and I left my house for some air, and to get away from my environment.

Got my hip bone knocked till I yelled, and it still hurts now, I was thinking too deep I forgotten whether if I had taken my pills or not, the amount left looks like I've taken them but I can't even remember the amount so I popped in another two, hopefully, I don't die. But I guess I didn't eat any, the glass of water's amount is still the same when I placed it on the desk.

High fever is back again. I hate it when it keeps going on/off, I tried to squeeze in some Chemistry but it seems that my brain is lacking alot of ability right now. But I'm really happy that I'm starting to eat more and more, little by little. And my computer desk is starting to turn into a little study desk cause I've just placed all my books on the side to remind myself how I should be studying instead of staring at a computer screen trying to make time pass faster.

Don't shut me out, I haven't got a chance to prove anything yet. What's another day, when I'm already getting used to gray? But slowly I'm putting colour into it, dab by dab. I can't believe myself, the further we grow apart the closer my heart grows to you.

You self-destructive, little girl. Pick yourself up, don't blame the world. So you screwed up, but you're gonna be okay. He really loves you, you just don't always love yourself.

On/Off

Thursday, April 16, 2009 @ 2:44 PM

Fever still running high, and I'm still contemplating on whether if medicine could really help me with this, today I can spend my day alone at home, I could turn off my cell phone again, but I think I'd rather not. This rever has been turning on/off for the past few days already, I wonder if it could be all the sadness in me that is causing me to fall sick like this.

I gave school and work a skip today, I couldn't possibly be serving customers with food when I'm practically sick, right? But I just felt like eating an ice cream because it made me feel better, for at least a while.

Speaking of which, I haven't eaten anything yet for the whole day. I had a horrible dream last night, which makes me felt worse when I woke up and forced myself back to sleep again, and I remember laying on the bed for a long time before I finally decided I should get up.

Today I will :

- Do whatever I want.

Music : (Sorry - Maria Mena)

Constantly dropping.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 @ 11:57 PM

My weight is still constantly dropping, today I spent my whole day at home, I turned off my phone, and told my grandma that if anybody were to call just tell them I'm not home, no matter who the hell they are.

So I spend today, watching tv, lying on the sofa, having dinner with my grandma, watching more tv, eat the Magnum ice cream my daddy bought, infact, I ate two, which I kind of puked out later on, with no one to bother me. But I turned on my phone once in a while to check if there were urgent messages.

If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Don't talk to me because I was some kind of paranoid fucked up over-sensitive freak that will slit her own throat in any split second, talk to me because you want to talk to me, talk to me because you miss me, talk to me because you have something to say, whether or not relevant or irrelevant. It's as if it wasn't real concern, wasn't really you talking to me, but rather just wanting to make sure I'm alivem and I didn't do anything stupid. And it just made me feel far more worse.

I might be thinking too much, but for someone in such an emotional turmoil right now, who is to blame? Either no one, or myself.

Or maybe you used it as an excuse just so that you could talk to me.

Today I got up on my knees and I got slammed down flat to the floor again. I don't know what I'm thinking, how I'm thinking, but my fever hasn't gone down for the whole day, infact it's getting higher and higher, but I can't be much bothered. Sorry I didn't tell you,

I just didn't want you to worry.

I might have to give work and school a skip if this fever gets worse. I'm running 38 degrees now.

Say that I'm assuming, that I don't trust you. But the thing is, I trust you, I just can't afford to have you lie to me, at all.

Why you gotta leave me so blue.

@ 12:28 AM

Work today sucked, it seriously sucked, I have no idea why, I have no idea how, but all I know for sure was that I sucked today, seriously, big time. And got my hand burned.

I should be keeping quiet, I should be shutting my mouth, I should be less bothered because I didn't have the right to anymore, I should stop looking, I should stop peeking, I should stop wishing, stop playing, stop crying, stop eating, I thought that I should literally stop everything. I feel lonely, left out, empty, incomplete.

Every single time I wake up, I force myself back to sleep so that it wouldn't just hurt for a few more moments. So that the day would be shorter, and I wouldn't think that much. This, even a minute counts.

"Sleep, sleep, so it will go away, at least for now."

The pills are kicking in, I have a major headache and fever now, how?

I really should keep my mouth shut, but there are a few things I cannot stop, won't stop, never stop, and never considered to stop.

Complimentary, and Complementary. How different.

Fast + Furious

Monday, April 13, 2009 @ 10:54 PM

This night happened some time ago, when Sera was still living in her old place. Finally she could send me the photos, hmm.

I met Ben today, I thought we would keep quiet, but it turned out opposite though, had brunch at my workplace, then we walked around the mall a bit to kill time till the movie starts, got my eye on something, as we were walking around, hopefully dad agrees to it.

I just ate my sleeping pills, and I'm really drowsy now, I shall stop typing. I'll blog more tomorrow if it's possible, I was sure I was smiling and laughing today.

My weight is going down the drain.

48th

@ 12:34 AM

You once said that, it's not that you do not agree with me at all, it was because I was thinking exactly like how you were thinking when you were my age, and you realised how wrong you were when you grew up, and you try to tell me to do it the right way, and I cannot help but think about you siding with my siblings, because you love them more. You said as every year pass by, our thinking is always changing, it never stops changing at all. You said that whatever you are saying to me right now sounds wrong to me, and whatever I have to say sounds wrong to you, I agree.

You told me about life, how to do the right things, how to react the right way, how I should never stop learning once I have started, how I should go all the way for something I love, how I should try my best to have as many experiences of the outside world to widen my knowledge, how I should never give up any opportunity at all. Everything you can ever pass down from your knowledge and your belief.

I don't care about what other people say about me being so mature at this age of mine, I can't be bothered to be mature for a long time already, but hearing you say "You've grown up a little now." Is the only thing I really want to hear, that will make myself believe that I've grown up by a little. Because you were the only one that can really see that I've grown. Thnking about it, you have lived life far more years than what I have lived, I'm a teenager, but you were also a teenager way before me. You have, 32 years more experience than me.

As your white hair gets visibly more and more, I can't help but remember what you told me, that one day you will die, you won't be here for me, no matter how much I cry you will never come back again, and by that time, how much I will regret, you talked like you were so sure it would happen just like that. And I can't help but to agree even more.

There's so many things you taught me that I can't even count, but something I will never forget was that you said it to me all the time,

"No matter what you do, do it with your whole heart."

Happy 48th birthday, Dad. I love you.

I wonder how many times in my life I can ever hear "You've grown up a little now." Oh did I mention? Today he said "You've grown up a little now."

New song

Sunday, April 12, 2009 @ 2:53 AM

Out on the street corner
Just like every morning I sit here
And I watch you walk my way
And even though I don’t know you
As you get closer I swear I feel
My heart start racing, aching
Maybe it’s in my mind
And maybe I’m only dreaming
And I swear you catch my eye
As you walk on by
Oh why you gotta leave me so blue

Baby why can’t you see
That I’m the only one for you
You could search the world over
But you’ll never find another so true
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you

I bet your heart, like mine
Has been broken by someone
We never should have given it to (oh no)
So we put up a wall to keep from falling so hard
It’s so sad
Cause there’s such good love inside
And I’ve been hoping that I might find
Someone who feels the same way
Someone to share my life
On this beautiful ride together
We could see it all through

Baby why can’t you see
That I’m the only one for you
You could search the world over
But you’ll never find another so true
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you

So this morning I’m just going to walk up and say hello to you
Cause if given a choice between love and being alone
I know which one
I know which one I choose
And give me a chance
I’d be a better man for you (I believe I would)
And open your heart girl
Let me make your dreams come true

You can search the world over
But I can take it to the moon
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you (yes I am)
Standing right in front of you
Open your eyes, I’m standing right in front of you
Just give me a chance baby
I'm standing right in front of you

Just for laughs

@ 1:51 AM

Today, I went for a flea, waiting for the shuttle bus was pissing me off, so I took a cab, then I snagged a $2 skirt I always was contemplating to buy, then I saw stylish people that makes me go wow, and three girls so kind to let me hitch their ride back to Dhoby Ghaut, I took a sudden change of direction, only to get caught on tv for Just For Laughs, with my friends watching, and him watching too. How unlucky and embarrassing they end up at the same area at that point of time.

Today I lost my wallet, our picture, the precious instant photo, the cash, the bank card, and the very important receipt for that thing flying from Japan right now. But I'll work more, and I'll regain them all back again, but this wallet was my favourite and it was my birthday present..

Sigh.

---------------------

At first I thought that, hey I'm going to agree right away, but then I start thinking and it all turns to a no. The only positive thing about that was that I can get out of my environment for a moment to breathe, just a moment, which is not enough, which will make me even more broken.

If I were to agree, the next hour the flight gets booked, I got 24 hours to pack my stuff, open an account with my name to put the money of the business, meet some weird people pretending I'm in charge, Monday morning I fly there, settle the business, maybe just eat a meal there, and get to talk to you and see your face, rest for a day, flight gets booked, I fly back, go home, settle things, and my life goes back to it's normal state. Such short notice, so sudden, I'm not ready. Sorry.

Exams are coming, it's my right to prioritise now. Hopefully December holidays okay? I'll have more time, to relax, shop, and catch up with you, I miss your family, they're all really great, I miss Sophea, I miss your mom's cooking, I miss riding a motorbike without needing a helmet and a license. I miss the slow-paced environment they have there, I miss everything about there. Anyway, we're all good friends right?

I do miss you, it's been so long since I last saw you, how we could play on your table that weird domino game, playing our favourite Khmer song non-stop. I can't wait to show you how much I have changed, and I can't wait to see how much you have changed too. We all have grown so much since three years ago. Even on the phone everytime, your voice changes too.

But what I missed most, was the fact on how excited and scared I was when I tried to cross over the road to the other side to get my favourite bread, and running back home to share it with everyone.

That, I will never, ever forget.

Music : (Standing Right In Front Of You - Keith Urban)

While waiting..

Saturday, April 11, 2009 @ 12:51 PM

50 Little Secrets.
Be honest no matter what.

01. Who was your last text from?
Sakthi

02. Where was your default picture taken?
Home.

03. Your relationship status?
Single but got my whole heart taken.

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
Yes, definitely.

05. What is your current mood?
Heart-broken

06. How many siblings do you have?
2

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Jeralyn, Jordan

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
In the arms of the person I love.

09. Have a crazy side?
Yeah

10. Ever had a near death experience?
Having a 3 metre heavy cupboard falling on me,
nearly getting hit by a sports car when I was running,
spraining my ankle and rolled down from 2 storeys hitting my head,
almost having a sharp corner piercing into my eye, but hit my eyelid,
with alot more.
Sadly, I didn't die.

11. Something you do a lot?
Think, day dream.

12. Angry at anyone?
Not really, myself.

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
I didn't stop. He stopped. But I won't stop.

14. When was the last time you cried?
Right now.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
I saved his name in my contact list as 'Whut.'

16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
About everything, and how did it all come to this,
how I could be a better person, how I can get all the help
I need to study.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Sakthi haha.

18. What is your favorite song?
Currently, Mannequin - Britney Spears.

19. What are you doing right now?
Talking to Xinyi, Yaochong, this quiz, and thinking.

20. Who do you trust right now?
"In this world you can only trust yourself",
but sometimes I beg to differ that.

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Nike?

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
I remember a kiss on the cheek on wednesday.

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
actually I think about 4 who lives right behind me.

24. Describe your life in one word?
Life.

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Whut.

26. What should you be doing right now?
Getting ready for the flea.

27. What are you listening to?
Fist Of God - MSTRKRFT.

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Christmin.

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Whut.

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Actually no, I was just holiding back because I was afraid.

31. What is your natural hair color?
Black

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
I can't remember, hopefully today it happens.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Whut.

34. What do you hear?
Music, the chair outside being dragged,
the cup being placed on the table.

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Visibly straight.

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
No.

37. Do you have a best friend?
Yeah.

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
I think I hooked whut's hand for a moment.

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Isn't that a duh?

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yeah HAHA. was rushing, all girls.

41. Are you happy with life right now?
No, was never.

42. Are you currently jealous?
Yeah, with everyone, how they could be happy,
and how they could let things past by them so easily.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
No

44. What were you doing on friday night?
Working, and crying.

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes.

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yes.

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Yeah, myself.

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
I don't really see doctors.

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
2am, tried to eat slowly, drink slowly, and got caught up with
some custom designs.

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yeah.

I wonder if Xinyi has finish doing her housework, I don't want to arrive late at a flea, everything good will get snagged. I shall start digging my closet on what to wear, Good thing is, I finally organised my closet and a mountain of clothes are gone again, but my computer desk is a living hell, papers everywhere, disk covers, paper, penknife, pencil, pen, scissors, burger lunch box, cups, the cow that holds all my rings, adidas deodorant, toner, the orange mickey I got as a gift, and last but not least, DETTOL HAND SANITIZER + ALOT MORE.

With my book the bulkiest among the rest. I shall take a rest from studying today.

Oh c'mon, it's a Saturday, cut myself some slack please. Graphic design on a saturday sounds pretty okay to me.

Break down

@ 1:18 AM

How we celebrated Zhenyu's birthday was having lunch at Manhattan Fish Market, which is, my work place. Glad to see Burn and finally get to see Fish, I'm happy I could finally have lunch, it's been like, so long since we ever had lunch together right?

Fish & Burn / How much I miss him I just had to hug him.

Ha, they're always like that.

Hi Alson / Boyuan you still look as usual, a loser _|_

O.O

See I told you, loser!

LOL UNGLAM

My fish and chips!

Liying's salad!

Very unglam.

I just ate some noodles, not the whole bowl, but I'm really proud of myself because I'm trying to recover and yesterday I actually ate without throwing up, and so do I today, I realised how much my body is dehydrated because my lips are all cracked and they're bleeding, and how I cannot stop drinking when I start drinking a cup. So I tried my best to drink as much water as I can today. And how everytime I get up from my bed or chair I would black out for a few seconds, and lose balance, and end up hitting a wall or trying to grab something so I wouldn't fall.

I broke down today during work, --- said he didn't believe that we're no longer together, and kept making fun, thinking that we set it all up, because I was smiling, but, how I could've wish it was all just a set-up. It was lucky I was a bar-runner today so only a few knew that I cried. But it was so kind of them, and how fast this guy noticed when I haven't even shed a tear he handed me some paper towel to wipe away my tears.

I'm meeting Xinyi tomorrow, I shall limit myself to spending only $15 at the flea, so I'll have to see whether if I'm lucky to get something that I want. I'm just aiming at killer rings. Christmin was supposed to stay over today, but I guessed she had some problems so it's okay. And I forgot what time I'm supposed to work on Sunday, sigh, now I have to go back and check cause I already called numerous times to check my schedule it's just not a very good thing to keep asking over the phone and troubling the managers.

Currently reading Every Breath You Take by Judith Mcnaught, I read a quarter of it before, but I dropped it for some reason I can't remember though.

I'm tired. I'm getting really drowsy now, goodnight.

I was smiling because it would make me feel much better.

Music : (Mannequin - Britney Spears)

I realised how dangerous it is to walk home alone at night, and all I thought was that I wanted to walk home cause I wanted to have some more alone time. Thank you, for keeping me company for at least that call over the phone. Really, thank you.

The Rain.

Friday, April 10, 2009 @ 2:31 PM

It's pouring outside right now, with the scent of rain to calm me down, the silence in the room to help me reflect, and old photos to remind me on how much I want this back, and the thought of it telling me to never give up without even trying.

I faced the mirror, looking at myself, the swollen eyes, the dark circles, the pale lips, but what I noticed, was the sad face I haven't seen in a long time. I smiled in the mirror to myself, thinking that everything will be okay, but the smile suddenly turned into a frown over and over again, then I'd figured out myself, that I need to keep trying, I have to keep trying.

I went back to my room, no music playing, the messy bed left the way it was when I got up from it, I dropped down and collapsed, getting myself underneath my blanket, leaning on one side, and sniffed at the only shirt that left your scent, looking at the ring, wondering where you had it left, wondering whether it had the slightest sentimental value left for you, my heart still pounding like a hammer, my breathing getting heavier, I took a deep breath and the tears dropped down. And then I realised how much my in my life, that I needed you. Nothing seems right, nothing feels right without you, and how in my very mind I prayed and wished you felt the same too.

I've never stop loving you, in fact, I love you more and more each day, hoping one day I could prove to you, and you would return back to my arms once again.

And every single day this cycle repeats itself, and everyday how I wished you could hear me say sorry from the very depths of my heart, I won't stop trying, because I love you too much to just let it go, and everyday, my heart got so filled up with you it starts to fill up my very soul.

Signs

Thursday, April 09, 2009 @ 9:44 PM

You need to watch this. You have to watch this.

Today I met up with S and talked to Christmin, They kept things off my mind, and when I was at home, I layed and hugged with Christmin like how I would have layed and hugged with you. I'm just so glad that she was here for me.

Alright, I need to do the unfinished present and do my revise my Chemistry, and practice the Pythogara's Theorem(what's it called?) math thing!

Music : (Be On You - Jadakiss feat. Ne-Yo)

Happy Birthday

Wednesday, April 08, 2009 @ 12:00 AM

Don't forget.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009 @ 3:35 PM

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me

Did you regret (Did you regret)
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget (Did you forget)
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
don't forget

We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
Please don't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
you've forgotten
About us

(Don't Forget)

-----------

I'll have to work hard this time, really hard, I probably would never get a chance like this anymore, failure is not an option, do you hate it when people are watching over you? To me, it just leaves you no choice but to give it your best. There's no room for me to allow myself to be like a child and think that I don't have to care about anything, because people will never blame children, no trying to tell myself "It's okay, nevermind." Because what I wanted, is right in front of me, walking away.

My best shot, is right here, right now. What have I become? Someone said, I never changed, that I was conditioning, testing the water first, slowly going deeper and deeper, so slowly because of my past. This is not me, I know this is not me. I want my old self back again, caring like there wasn't anything to bother about, loving like everything else doesn't matter, and there were no consequences. Cheerful, chirpy and happy, very happy, like everything doesn't matter. Sacrificing, like I have nothing to lose.

Where have I gone? I'm tired, I only slept for 2 hours, but now is not the time to whine about being tired, being tired will never be my in my options, because my best doesn't allow myself to be tired. I will never allow something so precious disappear. I have never felt so much drive to achieve something, I can hear my heart pounding hardly, hands and feet getting weak, and the blood rushing through my veins, and breathing heavily.

Good luck Sylvia.

Please, don't forget, I will prove everything, every single thing.

I.. don't ever want to regret anymore, my biggest regret was letting myself run away, all the time, till people around me wanted to run away too. I can throw away all my pride, I don't need it, I don't want it. Because having you back in my arms,

Is my proudest possession, and the biggest pride I will have ever achieved in my entire life.

Please, don't forget.

Kiss Me

Monday, April 06, 2009 @ 12:03 AM

How sad, how very sad.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling

So kiss me.

Stammer

Sunday, April 05, 2009 @ 2:16 PM

Near death

Saturday, April 04, 2009 @ 4:40 PM

This bag I must have total domination on it. It must be mine. Pay's coming in tomorrow I guess? Then I can shop more, then I can be happy, Then, everything wouldn't matter for a least a moment.

I slip and fell screaming I thought I was going to die but I guess it was just a blonde moment so, yeah. I'm going out for retail therapy. These few days are just shitty for me.

Be back to blog again tonight.

SERA YOU OWE ME ALOT OF PHOTOS AH.

What happens when Mario came to our world.

@ 3:25 AM

Warp Whistle
by MatthewDominick

Lose your pride.

Friday, April 03, 2009 @ 4:41 AM

Time now : 04:43:08

Everybody Lies

Thursday, April 02, 2009 @ 11:23 PM

Eyes swollen so I took off of work today, stayed home all day, didn't bother to do anything. So basically today was one whole shitty day wasted on doing nothing, saying nothing, okay maybe not that shitty, I got myself some new songs, since I finally got the time to do that.

Everybody lies.

Music : (Krazy - Pitbull)